Confession time – This will be the hardest blog post I have written and published. I hope that makes it worthwhile. More important, it honors why I started publishing these writings – to leave a knowledgebase built on experience and (hopefully) a bit of intelligence for my children. More on that to come.
I am a former micromanager. I micromanaged people who were significantly more talented and smarter than me, especially in their Genius Zone.
I micromanaged out of fear.
- Fear of being discovered that I was not entirely sure what I was doing. (With technology, many of the challenges and problems are new for everyone, including me. How was I supposed to know what was the right answer?!)
- Fear of failure and the impact on my family. Then, we had teammates which brought a greater fear – fear of the impact on them and their families.
- Fear of disappointing everyone and our stakeholders, such as the customers who trusted us to serve them.
- Fear of my ego.
Eventually, a mentor broke the news to me. It hurt, and it was a gift. I am going to share this gift with my former fellow micromanagers.
If you are micromanaging, YOU. ARE. A. F*CKING. BULLY.
It’s true. How else would explain the following behaviors:
- The teammate spent 60 hours working on a problem. You are so incredibly smart and insightful that you can do better in 17 minutes after looking over their work. You ignore the fact that they freed your time to do higher level work. But do you really think you have so many more IQ points to do something in a fraction of the time?
- You have immense authority over a person’s livelihood. You make them feel less than valued and worthy which has a conscious impact on their feelings of safety given their livelihood feels at risk.
- You don’t delegate because you feel it’s just easier to do it yourself. Yet, you fail to take responsibility for your choice to lead those same people and to not ensure your requirements and preferences are well-known and understood.
- Your work is never perfect, but, hey, it’s good enough. Your people’s work is never good enough because it is not perfect.
So, how did we get here? Let’s start with Dr. Karyn Gordon and three chairs. (Avery and Courtney heard this talk from her years ago at a Mother-Daughter camp.)
The Disguised Attitude
Leaders with a Disguised Attitude often use arrogance and dominance as a shield for their insecurities. This behavior can manifest as micromanagement, where the leader feels compelled to assert control in an attempt to mask their vulnerabilities. Such leaders might belittle team members’ efforts or assert undue control, mistaking domination for effective leadership. The research from Michigan State University supports this, showing that arrogance can often be a facade for deeper insecurity.
The Disguised Attitude allows one to ignore their work is not perfect but good enough while demanding perfection from others. One is wearing a Disguise of being perfect but highlighting the imperfections of others.
The Disguised Attitude allows one to not see where their accountability lies in leading and coaching rather than demanding and enforcing through fear.
Many micromanagers are stuck in the second chair, the Disguised Attitude. Having come from being experts at the actual work, they struggle with confidence in their new leadership role. They fill their minds with self-criticism, failing to recognize their own talents and self-worth. Unable to see their own value, they descend into toxic thinking patterns and insecurity.
The Disguised is becomes the bully.
The Blind Attitude
The Blind Attitude encapsulates individuals who are overly critical of themselves, leading to a lack of self-awareness about their value. This can translate into leadership as a form of micromanagement where the leader, unsure of their worth, projects their insecurities onto their team, doubting their capabilities and feeling the need to oversee every minor detail.
This not only erodes trust but also creates the leader’s internal false narrative of superiority. They are the one-eyed person on the island of the blind. They also are typically the one holding the stick.
Teammates fear for their livelihoods yet have no control under these conditions. This undoubtedly actives one’s fight, flight, or freeze response. Those who can take fight or flight by departing. But, there are people where this is not a viable option due to numerous situations and reasons. This repetitive, constant feedback of this sort can push the teammates into a Blind Attitude where they eventually doubt their self-worth and job security.
The Blind becomes the bullied.
Oh No. Symbiosis.
Here is where the oddity occurs with dynamic between The Blind and The Disguised. They are effectively in a symbiotic relationship. Both struggle with confidence and insecurity. The Disguised tells The Blind that they lack worth. That message reinforces what The Blind falsely believes. Since The Blind does not push back, it reinforces The Disguised false sense of superiority.
When a leader tells a team they lack worth and then pinpoints minute faults, teammates are forced into The Blind while the leader takes The Disguised.
In these extreme situations, the leader as both an asshole and the savior protecting the team.
As a kid who was bullied and a faux-leader who bullied, I can emphatically state that was my experience. Hence, my opening words.
The Confident Attitude
Remember that lonely chair that we did not move. That’s the Confident Attitude.
The Confident Attitude represents the ideal leadership stance, characterized by a balance of self-respect and respect for others. Leaders who embody this attitude foster an environment of growth, openness to feedback, and mutual empowerment. They recognize their own strengths and limitations, as well as those of their team, and leverage this awareness to delegate effectively, trust in their team’s abilities, and encourage development and innovation. The team collectively creates an environment that unifies the individuals while making space for individualism.
Conclusion
The third chair encapsulates the Confident Attitude we should strive for as leaders. These leaders have a healthy self-respect that manifests as respect for others. Their emotional capacity and self-worth translates into empowering and uplifting their team. Confident leaders also balance self-assurance with humility and a growth mindset. They surround themselves with knowledgeable team members and maintain openness to feedback.
Transitioning from the Disguised Attitudes to the Confident Attitude involves developing a growth and humble mindset. Leaders must learn to value their contributions and those of their team equally, fostering a culture where feedback is welcomed, and learning is continuous. This shift not only mitigates the tendencies towards micromanagement but also cultivates a more dynamic, innovative, and emotionally intelligent leadership style.
